Marked down Easter Reese’s Peanut butter cups got me forgetting I’m supposed to be intermittent fasting.
The “mommy” to “bro” pipeline is a steep and sudden drop.
6: you’re going 75
Me: I am, but it’s the speed limit
6: that’s 7 groups of ten and 5 ones. That’s almost 100!
Me: …please don’t tell your teacher I was going almost 100 on the highway
None of the parenting books prepare you for the moment your kid uses air quotes correctly for the first time.
Me: I need a vacation by myself.
Me, alone on the beach for 5 minutes with my thoughts: not like that.
One of the downfalls of sleeping with a fan and then the power going out is your kid asking what that weird noise is and it’s just you breathing normally.
6: *practicing her gymnastics beam routine*
Me, with my hand stuck in a Pringles can: don’t forget to point your toes!
Me: I’m going to shower
6: you’re beautiful! You don’t need to shower!
Me: Aw, than-
6: just some make up would help
“I love potatoes in my mouth!!”
Ok, yes kid, we all do but you gotta be way more chill about it
They say you should do something every day that scares you so I napped without the little pillow between my knees and now my lower back is terrified.
I’m used to my kid bursting into the bathroom with random objects but I had to draw the line today at bringing in binoculars and her cousin.
Sometimes parenthood is having to say “please don’t throw your beef stick at me” with a straight face.
Some parenting days swing very quickly and extremely between “I’d die for my kid” and “I know why some animals eat their young”.
5: Lucas said he would give me $100 if I go to his birthday party. But I would go for free. But I didn’t tell him that.
Me: I have nothing left to teach you, my child
5: I’m bad at this puzzle
Me: you’re trying your best! Mommy has a hard time with that one too!
5: yeah, because you’re bad at it