Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.
Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They’d be like “did you get my text?” and you could just be like “I can’t read.”
I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I’m cool.
If white guys are day drinking, it’s inevitable that they’re going to start wrestling at some point later that night.