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@millercycle : just heard a 19-year-old talk about how 'exhausted' they were please send bail money
@millercycle: Good morning to everyone except people who pronounce mature, ‘muh-tooer.’
@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife I turn all of the shampoo bottles right side up in the shower.
@millercycle: *takes a shower* omg I’m getting so much done today
@millercycle: me: I love summer
me: *sees first mosquito*
me: well that’s about it for me then
@millercycle: her: you’re gonna end up alone living by yourself
me: oh thank god
her: *bites lower lip* let’s role play
me: okay the floor is lava
@millercycle: omg, you’re so wet.
-me pulling clothes out of my piece of shit dryer
@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife, I go to the thrift store and replace her favorite jeans with the same style two sizes smaller.
@millercycle: me: *tries to put in eyedrop*
eyelid: just to be safe, let’s assume the eye drops are actually acid