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Page of millercycle's best tweets

@millercycle : just heard a 19-year-old talk about how 'exhausted' they were please send bail money

@millercycle: Good morning to everyone except people who pronounce mature, ‘muh-tooer.’

@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife I turn all of the shampoo bottles right side up in the shower.

@millercycle: *takes a shower* omg I’m getting so much done today

@millercycle: me: I love summer

me: *sees first mosquito*

me:

me: well that’s about it for me then

@millercycle: her: you’re gonna end up alone living by yourself

me: oh thank god

@millercycle: [bedroom]

her: *bites lower lip* let’s role play

me: okay the floor is lava

@millercycle: omg, you’re so wet.

-me pulling clothes out of my piece of shit dryer

@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife, I go to the thrift store and replace her favorite jeans with the same style two sizes smaller.

@millercycle: me: *tries to put in eyedrop*

eyelid: just to be safe, let’s assume the eye drops are actually acid