@minkpinkustink

every ghost is a little afraid someone will see them and tell them to start wearing pants again

@minkpinkustink

i feel sorry for people who say things like less is more because they’ve obviously never had sex or french fries

@minkpinkustink

when people throw you away it’s very easy to internalize the message that you’re trash but before too long some raccoon will steal you out of the bin like you’re made of gold

@minkpinkustink

I’m very funny when I’m not sobbing hysterically I’ll have you know

@minkpinkustink

if men were attracted to weird digestive gurgle noises I’d be having a whole nother kind of sex life

@minkpinkustink

they say you swallow 7 spiders a year in your sleep but have you considered not sleeping under a pile of leaves in your back yard

@minkpinkustink

the most important thing i learned from kermit the frog is that you can have a pretty good life without ever putting on pants