@missekay

Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with two hands, like in the olden days.

@missekay

Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.

@missekay

*decides to workout*

*lays on ground to do sit-up*

*find skittle on ground*

*eats it*

*takes nap*

@missekay

*watches soccer*

*watches soccer*

*watches soccer*

*watches soccer*

*has to pee*

*watches soccer*

*gets up to pee*

*misses goal*

:/

@missekay

‘Two can play that game…’

-people who dont understand that’s how games usually work

@missekay

People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don’t understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.

@missekay

The difference between a brown noser and an ass kisser is depth perception.

@missekay

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

@missekay

Just saw a bumper sticker that said “supprt your local beaver” or maybe it said “support your local brewer” either way it’s sound advice.