“Nope, not touching that… what else you got?”
-Me, as a therapist
Sure I feel bad for Marty McFly having to take his mum to the dance so his parents meet, but poor John Connor had to send his mate back in time to bang his mum or he wouldn’t have been born
I can guarantee i’ll never be a criminal mastermind. Leaving about 237 strands of hair in every room I enter pretty much puts an end to that dream
If practice makes perfect, why in the hell are we all so shit at sleeping as adults!
Why don’t we just stick an “a” in there and finally start calling it what it is…. “Moanday”
One minute she’s saying “put yourself in my shoes” and the next it’s all “well you’ve gone and ruined them now, you idiot”
after watching what feels like 73 Fast and Furious movies… no one fills up with petrol, do those cars run on hopes and dreams
Not saying I say dumb things when
I’m nervous but I once asked a date “so what’s new in history?” When she told me she taught it to kids.
I hate when you meet a new person and you like them, I mean I’m maxed out with 3 friends right now and having a 4th just seems like it’ll eat into nap time
I think
Therefore I am
Tongue tied
My therapist insisted i try something new each week…
…so i haven’t paid her
Now we wait…
I don’t know much about friends with benefits but i’m always carrying a snack or two if that counts
So what I ate my salad with a spoon, lf you give me a second date and i’ll show you how I tackle soup
The Scream movies were believable in the 90’s but c’mon, no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore
Therapist: so when we run out of words or have nothing nice to say… we count to 10 and we?
Me: …hiss like a cat?