My kid’s superpower is finding the one show that isn’t streaming on Hulu, Netflix, or Prime
My child: Picks cookie with the most icing
Also my child: Won’t eat the cookie unless every bit of extra icing is carefully scraped off
My uncle told me the other day that the world is in a really crazy place when Twitter seems more logical than the general public so congrats y’all are considered the most sane people on the planet by at least one person
Homeschooling isn’t going great but at least my son has learned the skill of hiding in the bathroom in case he has kids one day
My daughter has decided singing happy birthday to her is punishable by death
Maternity confirmed
My youngest is like a dog
She can spot a bad personality from a mile away and she also may bite you
I just convinced my toddler to play Rock Paper Scissors alone because she was cheating and she just quit against herself because she was cheating
My daughter just maintained eye contact while stuffing her face with the last of my chocolate stash and my husband said “oh shit” and picked her up and took her into the other room but he won’t always be here to protect her
I’ve heard that there are people that can keep every room of their house clean at the same time
At my house the rooms have to take turns being clean, kind of like the kids
Preteen: mom whyyyyyy do I have to take a shower
Also preteen: *takes 45 minute shower*
MIL: You have to teach them really young to pick up after themselves
Me: *watching my husband take off his socks and leave them in the middle of the living room*
Me: Grandma you are 92 and have heart disease you cannot let ppl in your house
Gma: Ok I can cancel the piano lessons
Me: What about the housekeeper
Gma: Already talked to her
Me: and the lady that comes to do your hair
Gma: Oh now you’re talking crazy
My husband makes coffee for me every morning even when we’re fighting. Consider this evidence if I ever die by poison.
There are 3 certainties in life
-death
-taxes
-anxiety anytime someone asks me what I’ve been up to
My daughter told me I was a dumb piece of poop today
Feeling grateful for all the years I spent in college and my response was, “ well so are you”