me: how was your day
5: my day was horrible! i wanted to stay home but you made me go to school so i went! but then i went to the library and got a book, and made a book mark. it was great!
why can’t there be a school picture package with only 1 big picture and 3 medium ones? has anyone in existence used up 52 wallet sized pics of their kids?
how about a smoke detector that can tell the difference between me cooking bacon and my house being engulfed in flames
me tryna look cute after stress eating for the last 17 months
sure recipes like “marry me chicken” are cute but where’s the “it’s your turn to clean the bathroom casserole”
8: mom do you have ANY idea how rare circles are in minecraft?
me: no but i have a bad feeling you’re about to spend a really long time telling me
take me back to when my son was three, and he sang to me that i was his sunshine, his only sunshine, i made him happy when skies were “grape”
my kid can’t remember where her shoes are but remembers that 13 months ago i said maybe i would take her to see micky mouse for her fifth birthday which is of course in two weeks and of course we are not going
kids tv show: where do you think pizza was invented?
my four year old: a pizza shop
me: *fills out her application to harvard*
normalize wrapping all foods in cloth to allow for noiseless midnight snacking
peanut butter toast, simultaneously an underrated food and the majority of my genetic makeup
intermittent fasting? i just slept 7 hours without a snack what more do you want from me?
my diet starts tomorrow as it has every monday, and will continue to do so, indefinitely
when my four year old asked “mommy does a snowman have 3 balls?” I realized my biggest problem is im just not, nor will i ever be, mature enough to have kids
4: am i asleep?
me:
4: mom??
me: i…i feel like this is a trick