@mommajessiec

[child gets stuck in claw machine]

Me: [calls husband] “Hi honey, you’re not going to believe this, but I found us a babysitter for this evening.”

@mommajessiec

I just sighed so loud that my neighbor texted me, “What’s wrong?”

@mommajessiec

My children can go an entire day at home without a glass of water but only 30 seconds in the car before dehydration sets in.

@mommajessiec

My kids got to meet a fireman at dinner last night. How and why they got to meet a fireman is not important.

@mommajessiec

Me: “Guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”

7yo: “Do I need to wear shoes?”

Me: “Yes.”

[4 minutes later]

7yo: “What about pants?”

@mommajessiec

My husband better stop watching me back the car out of the driveway or I’ll hit the mailbox on purpose this time.

@mommajessiec

I just yelled at some kids to get off my lawn. They were my own kids, but they can find somewhere else to play like everybody else.

@mommajessiec

My mom gave the kids a 1,000 piece puzzle, so tonight, as a family, we will be putting together a list of nursing homes.

@mommajessiec

If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.

@mommajessiec

My kids started calling me boss today, so now I have the painful task of figuring out which one I’m going to have to let go.