3: I wuv you Mommy.
Me: I love you too!
3: Don’t talk to me.
No one:
My 3yo: I’m going to go sit on the baby!
OK so maybe I didn’t respond to your text physically but I definitely did mentally it’s not my fault you couldn’t read my mind
Me reminding my kid of all the fun things we did this summer so when he’s asked on the first day of school he doesn’t say “Uhhhh nothing?”
3yo: Mommy I peed in the bathroom!
Me: That’s great pal! …. Wait in the toilet?
3:…
Me: Did. You. Pee. In. The. Toilet?
3:…
At my funeral sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man
What do you mean the band goes on at 9pm? That’s the middle of the night.
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.
My kids are watching Babe and my oldest asked “What happened to his mother” and I just slowly looked at the hotdog on his plate
Me: Eat your dinner.
6: But my belly hurts.
Me: Okay then you can go lay down but no treats or snacks later.
6: But I’ll feel better then.
If a man put his empty deodorant under his wife’s pillow in the morning a new stick will appear on the bathroom counter.
I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.
Friend: How long till school starts?
Me: 8 days, 13 hours, 26 mins, 14 secs.
My toddler rolled over in his sleep and said ‘No Mommy’ and smacked me in the face. I have to clue what I did but I now understand how my husband feels after I tell him I’m mad at him for something he did in my dream.
My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.