I’ve never used the word culvert in a sentence. Well, until now.
When emails tell me to “Act Now!,” I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
Barnabas had a lazy eye.
The other, however, was a real go-getter.
My bra as colander, catching stray food since age 15.
My trophies are a result of:
80% – pity
10% – friends who are kind
10% – random strangers whose fingers slip
7% – my superior math skills
He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless.
With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food.
My youngest son’s dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute.
I admire his hope that they’ll bounce up and swish down.
Rating all the Nancy Drew books I’ve read on Goodreads so it looks like I’m smart or something.
For such a picky eater, I’m certainly not a picky weight gainer.
My reactions
1st child’s problems: I WILL fix this!!
2nd child’s problems: Let me know if you need help.
3rd child’s problems: Good luck.
Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It’s all good. I’ll wait.
That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I’ve ever had.
Thanks for asking me to sleep with you!
Huh. You look upset.
Bought some expensive neck cream.
Directions say to apply it twice daily.
If I slather it on every hour, I’ll have the neck of a teen.
In rest homes, when lovers have spats, do they key each other’s walkers???
For Mother’s Day, I told my teens, I’m going to reenact every detail of each of your births.