Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
Twitter has ruined me.
Just wrote “we’ll deliver your load on time” for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter.
Whenever my teen cleans his room, I get a brand new set of dishes.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
If by “junk in the trunk” you mean the untouched gym bag I store there, then yes, I most certainly have junk in my trunk.
Walking by the lingerie section
Youngest: Why do they make the underwear so fancy? No one is ever going to see it anyway.
Me: Uh huh.
Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
Padre: What is your sin, my child?
Me: Twitter.
Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .
Me: I need to lose my baby weight.
Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest?
Me: Thirteen.