Not one parenting book or website prepared me for how many times I would accidentally bump my baby’s head on a door frame.
So when married people take you on a tour of their house and show you the bedroom and say with a chuckle ‘this is where the magic happens’ they’re not talking about sex they’re talking about sleep
If a recipe tells me to drain the fat I stop reading immediately
Me: My head is killing me
My brain: You’ve had zero water today, destroyed your liver last night, haven’t eaten much real food, and have finished almost an entire pot of coffee
Me: I think I’ll make more coffee. Then maybe a beer.
How amazing is it when all your kids do what you’ve asked the first time?
No, I’m asking. How amazing is it? I’d like to know.