Whenever I get my hair cut I always take a ‘before and after’ photo outside the barber’s shop. Here’s the latest…
Although we’ve been together for 30+ years, my wife discovered only yesterday that I actually do quite a passable Charles impersonation.
It’s completely revolutionised our lovemaking, I tell you.
Accidentally took my mother’s id to the polling station and committed voter freud.
Basketball
There’s a knock at the door. I open it, but there’s no one there. Unsettled, I slow down a little and pull into the middle lane.
“Hello, can I speak to Mr Featherstonehaugh please?”
“How are you pronouncing that?”
“It doesn’t matter, this is a written joke”
Stonehinge
The collective noun for bison is herd, unless they are on tiptoes, in which case they are unherd.
I’ve just realised that Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling are two different people.
From the speed at which it’s spread I’m wondering if wordle is a symptom of omicron.
Shortcut
They say nothing rhymes with orange. I must be pronouncing it wrong.
Karen mislaid her phone and called a cafe we were at this morning to see if she’d maybe left it there.
Conversation on the other end of the line:
Person a: Have we had a phone handed in?
Person b: What, a mobile?No mate, a landline 🙄