There’s been a fire at London Zoo. Apparently two stick insects were having sex and it all got out of control.
Bird seed is amazing. I sprinkled some on the garden and when I checked 10 minutes later lots of new little birds had already sprung up.
Enter a cafe. Ask to see the menu. Say, Have you got anything a mouse would like? When they say No, whisper into your sleeve & leave.
My wife’s written “iron school uniform” on a note. She’s full of bright ideas, but to me this sounds heavy and impractical.
Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.
If you are single, book a table for two this Valentine’s. Keep checking your watch. Order your meal for one, tearfully. Result: Free drinks!
A cropped version of my wind turbines cartoon seems to be doing the rounds. It’s by me, if you see it.
“Help! I can’t get my jogging trousers off!”
“We’ll have to perform an emergency trackybottomy”
Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just sad to hear about him.
In a hotel room. The dog’s growling and whimpering. My wife’s worried the neighbours will think we’re having sex.
Always the barmaid, never the bar.
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.
Catwoman’s full name is Catherine Woman.