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@mrjohndarby : me: my father fought in the war
her: which one?
me: I've only got one dad
@mrjohndarby: Me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
Waiter: good evening
Me: good evening Barry
@mrjohndarby: JUDGE: your sentence will last for 5 years
ME: I can't speak that slowly
@mrjohndarby: check in attendant: are you flying alone?
me: I'll probably need a pilot
@mrjohndarby: waiter: wine?
date: I don't drink
me: she said she doesn't drink pal
@mrjohndarby: me: *nervously* will he feel anything while you're operating?
car mechanic: no
@mrjohndarby: *a snake wearing one skinny jean*
@mrjohndarby: my gf: don't tell my dad how we met
her dad: so how did you two meet?
me: *startled* I've never seen her before in my life
@mrjohndarby: [expensive restaurant date]
me: waiter, the William please
@mrjohndarby: me: can I give your dog a pet?
me: *places slightly smaller dog next to his*