[mind reader club]
speaker:
audience:
speaker:
audience: *clapping*
[1st time eating a lemon] this orange is angry
me: how can I impress my date
friend: take her to your favorite food place
me: ok
[later]
her: that’s was really nicemy mom: you’re welcome
judge: do u plead innocent or guilty?
me: I do
sloth: *arriving at his prison cell*
prison guard: ok you’re free to go
me: can I get a hug?
bartender: *checking cocktail list*
me: I’m not feeling well
doctor: take your glove off
[inventor of green tea] what if tea didn’t make you feel awake but also tasted bad
inventor of doritos: what if triangles were delicious
just had a really bad argument with some guy I invented in my head
[phone call]
murderer: I know where u live
me: it’s just til I get back on my feet
interviewer: what do you know about excel?
me: *closing my eyes* 24th and 12th letter of the alphabet
superman landing like a plane on his belly
waiter: would u like the bill?
me: no I would not
murderer: I’m going to bury you alive
me: ok, I thought you were going to kill me