[after sex]
her: you were really loudme: *putting down my trombone* yep
[phonecall]
murderer: I’m outside your houseme: I’m at the supermarket
murderer: ok
me: I’ll be there in 10
interviewer: can you type fast?
me: yes, that and SEVERAL other words
boss: somebody stole the office thesaurus
me: I perceive your concern however I am not cognizant of the perpetrator
interviewer: can you work overtime?
me: *nodding* and space
nobody:
TV writers: first of all, nobody can explain anything quickly or clearly to avoid a misunderstanding
buying dead houseplants to save time
doctor: you need to take one a day for the rest of your life
me: *checking the bottle* there’s only 2 in here
doctor: that is correct
me: *stepping out of a time machine* I hope I didn’t change anything
t-rex wearing a little lab coat: me too
doctor: you’re going to di-
me: disney?
doctor: no
g
a
r
d
e
n
e
r: what can I do for you?me: sorry, I’m looking for a landscape gardener
harry potter: this meeting could’ve been an owl
fred flintstone: I’ve got a problem with my car
podiatrist: let’s take a look
[1st day at the zoo]
boss: did you feed the animals?me: *looking at the signs that say don’t feed the animals* no
cop: omg they trashed your apartment
me: yes, it was them