The only way my mother-in-law would approve of our Christmas tree is if I were hanging from it.
Coming soon from the makers of Hamilton:
LINCOLN
Featuring the smash rap hit about the Civil War:
“This could be US, but you slavin’.”
Even Benjamin Button would feel old by the time 2020 finally ends.
Yesterday I drove past a sperm bank that had gone out of business.
I guess that means no one came.
I haven’t watched or read any news in two days, and at this point I’m just wondering why people waste money on sex and drugs to feel high.
“This is the worst karaoke bar I’ve ever been in!”
– me whenever my wife sings while driving.
Whenever I see the words “horse-drawn carriage” I wonder if the horse’s artistic output was limited to means of transportation, or he also did cartoons.