Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop
My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my adderall prescription to read it
I would follow a stranger into a dark alley if they promised me potato wedges
can’t afford invisalign so i’m having my teeth shrink-wrapped instead
That awkward moment when you whip off your shirt and realize you never put on your swimsuit
I just want to be as strong as the bond between two five gallon buckets
Our dog snores so loud we had to rename him Grandpa
The leather seats in your car waiting for you to wear shorts on a hot day
“Trust your gut”
the thing that can’t handle spicy foods? Okay, sure
realizing every shirt in the store is a crop top
parents: you are what you eat
kids:
Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0
them: big plans for the holiday weekend?
me:
Doctor: so, how did you injure your rotator cuff?
Me, remembering reaching for the wet wipes on the back of the toilet: TENNIS
[zoom meeting]
big zit on my chin: