This looks like a job for..
*I rip open my jacket*
Jacket Repair Man!
*I sew my jacket back together*
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
“Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint.” – mafia spelling bee.
Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as “Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.”
Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren’t really my ‘thing’.
:# <— emoticon for “I’m eating a brillo pad”
No autocorrect, I don’t want to bang a bunch of hot chimps.
Ughh…7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends…7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?
Nice try, cheese graters, cheese is already great.
There are so many different genres of music nowadays, but most of it could be filed under “Ear Shit”
I mean, I’m smart, but I’m no Alfred Einstein.
There’s nothing horribler than a word that isn’t real.
Slugs are obviously snails that have been through a divorce.