I made garlic mashed potatoes and there isn’t a vampire for miles that is brave enough to come near us.
I partied like it was 1999 and when I woke up, I was holding a huge flip phone with an enormous roaming charge.
I’m as hard to open up as a grocery store produce bag.
You look like you come from a long line of restraining orders.
At my funeral –
The pastor: “She was truly an angel that fell from heaven”
My ex, whispering to my other ex: “So was Lucifer!”
I have a friend whose thighs don’t touch..I was jealous until a breeze came up..It sounded like a turbo fan in wind tunnel. Small favors.
I get about your body being a temple but… right now I wanna turn mine into a bouncy castle, it sounds more like fun. I’m all about fun.