@nayele18maybe

Do not stop by my house unexpectedly then act surprised when I answer the door in my underwear eating baked beans straight from the can.

@nayele18maybe

Sometimes I say, “Damn you to hell” after someone sneezes, just to mix it up a bit.

@nayele18maybe

My prescription isn’t ready, so three toddlers at this pharmacy just learned the F word.

@nayele18maybe

Hate it when I tell a guy something deeply intimate and personal and he’s all, “Ma’am, does that complete your order?”

@nayele18maybe

I’ve never applied makeup while driving, but I have eaten an entire rotisserie chicken.

@nayele18maybe

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

@nayele18maybe

Shoutout to the toothpaste stain on my shirt for making it appear that I had a WAY better time this morning than I actually did.

@nayele18maybe

Him: You seem super chill.

Me: You seem like a bad judge of character.