Shoutout to the toothpaste stain on my shirt for making it appear that I had a WAY better time this morning than I actually did.
My childhood was fairly normal and I still turned out like this.
Him: You seem super chill.
Me: You seem like a bad judge of character.
I’m worried that if there is ever a fire at my house, my kids will ignore the smoke detectors and sit down at the dinner table.