I didn’t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Well well well… looks like someone put on some weight again.
~ my pants right now
Him: I’d go to the end of the world for you!
Me: Well… what are you waiting for then?
Should I ever become president everyone who uses the word “bae” will be sterilized.
I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.
I’m quitting modelling, I need more job security so I’m going to become a princess.
Bailiff: State your name for the court
Hr: Clara Sofía Alba Constanza Guadalupe…
Judge: That’s enough I want to get out of here b4 lunch!
Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way!
Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear her broomstick!
My dad is Jamaican and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
Don’t buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!!
Label reads: Guaranteed whiteness in only 14 days…
15 days later and I’m still black.
Wait unicorns aren’t real?
Are you saying that I made out with a regular horse?