instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws i’ve decided to become more self-absorbed
there are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all and none of them work at your company
the fridge is too full so now i’m stuck here drinking all the wine
back-to-school photos but for parents showing how happy we are
i have a mamma skunk with babies living under my deck so don’t talk to me about moral dilemmas
me: it would be nice if everyone else helped clean this house once in awhile!
everyone else: [cleans]
me: not like that
got asked to be a godparent proving god has lowered her recruitment standards
establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass
forget tagging friends, i want to be able to tag my enemies
ANNOYING SHIT THAT’S HAPPENING:
Fourth grader’s constant use of the phrase, “I know from experience…”.
SCHOOLS:
We’ve scheduled Back to School Night so you’ll have just enough time to pick your kid up, get home, then have to turn right back around again.
media: how to watch tonight’s super blue moon
me: look up at the sky???
me: yay, i’m getting to bed on time!
my brain: let’s obsess over how you’ll protect your children if you’re at the beach during a tsunami
me: i’m a writer
them: oh! what do you write?
me: mostly emails
sorry about the last 24 hours California, i brought back a mysterious relic from overseas but i’ve destroyed it now