Friend: Why isn’t your boyfriend here to help bury this heavy carpet?
Me: ….
No matter how much milk I buy or when, there is always 1/8 cup left in the carton when I want some.
My bf bought a kazoo and in unrelated news he can’t find it for some reason..
Making milkshakes because I need help with my yard work.
*accidentally makes crinkling noise.
Instacart: We are out of soap, would you like this substitute item?
Energy bar
Things are finally coming to a head.
~inspirational zit
My 4 year old nephew once stopped in the middle of soccer game to yell out to his mom that he smelled BBQ.
We are clearly related.
Cooking fresh fruit with sugar is my jam.
On our way back from hotel pool, door card doesn’t work. Francophone BF heads to reception to get new card and returns.
Him: Wow, there was a huge line up at reception but when I told them I had a wet girlfriend waiting at the door they all let me in..
Me *Happily comes home from the hairdresser with fresh highlights and cut.
Bf: So what did they do to it?
My neighbour’s toddler just told me I look 20 months old so that made my day.
Him: You’re pretty saucy
Me: *wiping face quickly
But this spaghetti is soo good
Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street? Elmo owes me money.