@nonchalantnacho

I’m either going to get a tattoo today or do something real crazy like clean my closet.

@nonchalantnacho

The lady next to me on the plane smells like she ate a bowl of grandmas for breakfast.

@nonchalantnacho

Sex with me is like a roller coaster. There’s lots of screaming and sometimes people fly out and die.

@nonchalantnacho

Dear family,
Since I am unemployed, for Christmas you have a choice of a hug or I’ll rap Eminem songs for 5 minutes for you.
Love, Danielle

@nonchalantnacho

Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.