*puts pancakes over eyes like cucumber slices*
I need a bathtub filled with chicken nuggets.
No time for questions.
I’m either going to get a tattoo today or do something real crazy like clean my closet.
The lady next to me on the plane smells like she ate a bowl of grandmas for breakfast.
Please, sir. Your gold chain is too arousing.
Sex with me is like a roller coaster. There’s lots of screaming and sometimes people fly out and die.
Since I am unemployed, for Christmas you have a choice of a hug or I’ll rap Eminem songs for 5 minutes for you.
Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.