It’s awkward standing in line at the store and the 5 year old behind me is wearing the same light up sketchers
*Tries to start the wave at a funeral
Eats one hamburger- I’m full
Eats 10 tacos – I’m still hungry
You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that, it’s rude!
Cop –
So ! Technically it’s YOUR fault I was speeding, because I didn’t see you
If you are reading this then you are reading this
Why do we always have to have a reason to get off the phone?
Why not, “Okay I’m done talking now bye”
Client – is your boss available
Receptionist – he’s currently una –
Me – he’s been in the bathroom for almost 20 damn minutes
Police – they really trashed your house, anything missi-
Me – hmmm? No, this is how it always looks
When you let grandma cat sit
Remember back in the good old days when someome looked at you wrong, all you had to do was call them a witch and POOF problem solved
*flirting with a guy at work*
Soooooo, what do you do for a living?