@northernlivng24

Now that it’s nice out I can drive with my windows down and let the wind ripple my chins.

@northernlivng24

Retailer #1: Hey we just got a bunch of great books in! People are going to love them!

Retailer #2: Great! Let’s put price stickers on them.

#1: The kind that come off easily and cleanly, right?

#2: NOPE!

@northernlivng24

Computer: Prove you’re not a robot.

Me: *struggles to find all the road signs*

Computer: Maybe prove it to yourself first. I’ll wait.
*refreshes condescendingly*

Me: SHUT UP! I CAN DO THIS!

@northernlivng24

I just tried to pet my cat and it turns out that pile of black was my T-shirt, so yeah if you’re supposed to wear glasses while driving I think it’s a good idea.

@northernlivng24

8:00 Puts on lipstick and gloss

8:05 Buys coffee to ensure full lipstick removal