@not_delicate
** Changes Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated.”
My husband:
@not_delicate
[Looking at something funny on my phone]
Husband: Let me see?
Me: Of course. One second.[Resets phone to factory settings]
Me: Here you go.
@not_delicate
Me: I’m sorry if I’ve been short tempered with you. I’m just worried about my boyfriend. I haven’t heard from him since yesterday and that’s not like him.
My husband:
@not_delicate
Me: I need an Ativan prescription please, for my children’s health.
Shrink: excuse me? We don’t prescribe that for children.
Me: No, I take the drug…. and my children stay alive.
@not_delicate
I decided to be faithful to my boyfriend. I think I’m really in love this time! I don’t recall ever feeling like this before.
My husband:
@not_delicate
My husband went to the market for the first time during Coronageddon.
Me: Don’t forget hand soap!
Him: OMG I won’t forget ffs!{From the store}
Him via text: in line to pay!
Me: Did you get soap?
Him: I forgot to look.This is why I have a boyfriend.
@not_delicate
“Oh yeah? Define obsessed,” I demand, as I pull my shirt back down to cover the tattoo of your face on my stomach
@not_delicate
You can’t control how people treat you but you can control your reaction, I say as I gently lower you into your grave
@not_delicate
Everyone needs a backup man.
My husband: plan. The word is plan
@not_delicate
Some people are dealing with real life crises right now and need your nudes now more than ever