Me: If I had a superpower, what would it be?
6YO: Being nice. Not yelling.
6YO: Oh, I thought it was like which ones did you need.
Husband: Don’t. You’re the adult.
My 6YO daughter: Mom had three cocks today.
(I had three cokes and she needs to work on her reading)
I can’t believe I have the audacity to say things to my kids like, “if you were actually hungry you would eat those vegetables.”
4YO: Mom, you just yawned. That means you’re tired.
6YO: No, she just sighed. It means she’s had it with you.
4 YO: Mom, Can you help me open this?
Me: Yeah, in a minute
4 YO: Ok. Alexa, set a one minute timer
Husband: *is grumpy*
Me: Guys, looks like dad woke up on the wrong side of the bed
6YO: (suspicious) You rolled all the way to mom’s side of the bed?
I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that’s in my pocket.
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