@notalogin: Merlin: What now?
Lawyer: I'd advise you to turn yourself in to the police
Officer Merlin: Ok, and now?
@notalogin: The hair salon raised prices and now I can either afford a haircut or a recolor, but not both. Every visit is a do-or-dye decision.
@notalogin: Friend: Pics or it didn't happen
Friend: Ok, that doesn't actually clear anything up
@notalogin: What's your WiFi pw?
Yes; all lowercase.
It's all caps, but all lowercase.
Is there a Starbucks nearby?
@notalogin: My grandpa used to whip us grankids with his belt, but I know he did it out of love: he really loved whipping children.
@notalogin: Me: You should know I'm alliterate
Her: You mean illiterate?
Me: No, not necessessfully
@notalogin: [My funeral]
Friend 1: So how did he die?
Friend 2: Mistaken identity
F1: What happened?
F2: He mistook himself for someone who could outrun a freight train