@notfunnyelle

I call my smoke detector gordon ramsay because it screams at me every time I cook

@notfunnyelle

my sister: why do you delete so many tweets?

me: sometimes you don’t know something’s really stupid until you send it out into the world

my mother: *staring at me just a beat too long*

@notfunnyelle

My best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we’re both still single at 35 we’ll hunt each other for sport

@notfunnyelle

My best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we’re both still single at 35 we’ll hunt each other for sport