@notmythirdrodeo

Flex on your toddler when they piss you off by asking them what sound a giraffe makes

@notmythirdrodeo

Thoughts and prayers for my five year old who just found onion in her onion rings

@notmythirdrodeo

I’m hoping the next currency fad will be allen wrenches. I’ll be a gazillionaire.

@notmythirdrodeo

afraid of taking two toddlers on an outing alone? take the single seat stroller thereby assuring the kids will fight relentlessly over it and forget about running off. follow me for more dashing parenting tips

@notmythirdrodeo

Have kids so you can start your day with questions like, “mom, why do people clean toilets?”

@notmythirdrodeo

I had to drop off a fecal sample for my cat and the vet gave me a form. The last question was, “Do you want your container back?”

@notmythirdrodeo

My kids kept crawling under the table at a restaurant so I told them the floor is lava. Follow me for other hot parenting tips.

@notmythirdrodeo

I’ve decided today I’m following the lead of my 2 yr old and I’m just gonna close my eyes so no one can see me.