him: i can talk now

me: hey what’s up

him: i’m in the bathroom

me: yea me too what’s up

him: hang on some dumbass thinks i’m talking to him

me: lmao what an idiot


911: what room is the body in

me: I wanna say living room but that feels weird


scary movies imply the existence of baby movies, sporty movies, posh movies and ginger movies


on the toilet 15min: both legs asleep
in bed 3hrs: none of anything asleep