Blocked: 1985
Brain: that was a good cookie
Body: here’s 4 pounds
Like sleeping!
Ah 1994, I remember it like it was thirty years ago.
*starts crying*
A woman at the gym called me handsome so I guess I’m getting married you guys.
Calorie tracker: I’ll help you see everything you ate today.
White clothes: lol same.
Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis you’re just awake.
Body: it’s sleepy time.
Brain: it’s thinky time.
I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather but mostly because of the running.
When I was a kid this either meant you better run for your life or it was spaghetti night.
You were the one.
I can’t stop watching this.
Them: are you busy right now
Me: (just laid down) yes
I didn’t think I had much in common with squirrels until I saw one risk his life for a crouton.
If a woman texts you three questions you should only answer one. They love that.