My teen daughter: “Mom, check out the new shirt I bought! It was only $3.00!!”
Me: “It’s because the bottom half is missing.”
I finally shaved that big toe this morning. Watch out world because I’m comin’ for you now.
I recently purchased some really good kitchen knives so now I have to stock up on bandaids because I clearly don’t know how to use really good kitchen knives.
My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.
The person ahead of me paid for my Starbucks at drive-thru, and I was so excited about it I drove off without my drink.
I get my Kung Fu skills from taking off a sweaty sports bra after a workout.
Who else looks for the closest parking spot at the gym? I need to save my energy for inside.
Sorry I missed your call 7 months ago. Is everything okay?