If there’s one think I’ve learned from twitter it’s to never be near an American and a wood chipper
I tried to spell perseverance but I gave up in the end
[first time at a rave]
These M&Ms make my hair follicles feel weird
if they ever legalise drugs, Nestle definitely need to make a KitKet
Some would call it a well set out plan for the future.
The judge, however called it compelling evidence
*eye roll*
When Americans say Math instead of Maths I find it so damn exy
In Scooby Doo, 2021 they’re not allowed to remove the mask at the end
I’m not a narcissist.
But If I was, I would be the best one there ever was.
I won’t take any criticism on this
Me: At work, I’m always the smartest person in the room
Friend: You teach first grade
Gangnam style!
But it’s just me putting my pants on in the morning
Her to her boyfriend: I’ve eaten so much cake I’m pretty sure my blood stream is pure cake mix!
Narrator:….and that boys and girls is how the first vampire came about
Them: I really really really want a zigga zig ahhh
Hostage negotiator: ok but you need to let the women and children go first.
Him: the risk of getting caught, having sex in a public place is HOT!
Her: ok….. you pick the place
Him: Over there in those dense trees where we won’t get caught