As I get older, I don’t refer to myself as “well seasoned”.
I’m more “fermented”.
*Seductively turns all your toilet tissue rolls the wrong way…
Wait. I thought I was watching Hoarders. Looks like things are heating up!
I’ve been a foodie my whole life. When I was little I even added nutmeg to the paste before I ate it.
How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.
Why is burning a bridge viewed as a bad thing? I mean what if a clown is chasing you?
I reached for my bagel at a weird angle and now I need a chiropractor.