As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
If you can say “I made six figures last year,” you either have a well paying job or you’re the worst employee at a toy factory.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
I’m tired of conventional beauty standards that say I can’t wear a ski mask in a bank
There’s no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
The average Apple employee works 6 hours longer a day than an Apple battery.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task…
I’ve finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in shower that runs down my body says, “4 extra volume & body
VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.