Watching Jaws with my 6 year old because I’m sick of going to the beach
Here’s a meme
*walking my 5 year old back from the bathroom
Lady: Your grand daughter is so cute
Me: She’s my…. Thank you
The part in Forrest Gump where the rich guy decides to quit running and leave his followers out in the desert reminds me a lot of politics
My 4 year old daughter is in the tub screaming song requests at Alexa like a drunk divorcee
I was so stupid whenever I was young. I’m much older now though
My neighbor won a hay show. Hay like in grass that livestock eats. There’s a show for it
I just saw a woman on here that had looking for a faithful man in her bio. Looks like you’ve come to the right place
*Leaving the bar with a hot girl*
Girl: I’m on my menstrual cycle. I hope you don’t mind.
Me: Not a problem. I’m on my moped, I’ll follow you.
Having a toddler is a great way to find out how much milk your tennis shoe will hold