My 4yo keeps calling me ‘young man’ and I corrected him by saying, ‘I’m not a young man, I’m an old woman.’ I feel like he set me up.
Him: I bet she’s thinking about other guys
Me, deep in thought: I am personally offended that 7 tortilla chips is a serving size
If by yoga you mean reaching the outlet to plug in my charger without getting out of bed, then yes, I do yoga
Buy all the cute stuffed animals you want but your toddler is going to sleep with a spatula instead
I finished my iced coffee even though all of the ice had melted, so I’m really crushing my water intake today
I asked Alexa to play the Encanto soundtrack and I swear I heard her sigh
Me: people are going to body shame no matter the size so you may as well have some cake
Them: okay, ma’am, but you still can’t bring a sheet cake into the movie theater
The kids and I left the house on time this morning, so now I have to stop for coffee because I don’t have the adrenaline I usually get from running late
Me: There aren’t enough hours in the day
Also me: Spends 15 minutes scrolling a comment section and taking a quiz to find out what kind of cheese I am
I was talking to my husband about what it would be like to have a third kid when my 4yo wrapped his little hand in mine and said, “mom, I would be pissed.”
My 1 year old kept saying “I lug ya” and I was so excited until I realized he was trying to say “alexa” not “I love you”
For every basket of laundry you put away, two more appear
I thought my house was falling down but it’s just my 4 year old working on his drum solo with my pots and pans
I complained about a crying baby to the flight attendant; turns out they won’t accommodate you if the baby is yours
I run my house like a well oiled machine; specifically a runaway train