? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be… ?
Wait, hang on…my bad, those are vultures.
My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.
I’ve been called a lot of names but “designated driver” was never one of them.
When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.
<- I’ve been drinking for almost 6 hours. If you see something wash up on shore that looks like this, please identify me.
When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.