You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body
After 4 hours on this teams meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore
The first workout after vacation week reminds you of how many cheeseburgers you had while on vacation
I burn microwave popcorn in the break room at work to get back at those who always warm up fish leftovers
I can’t listen to music with my headphones at the office. Apparently everyone doesn’t enjoy the way I sing out loud
My husband just asked this southern 8 ball if I loved him. It said “bless your heart” 😆
Abs are made in the kitchen, but a six pack can be bought in a store
It’s perfectly normal to shave your legs just from the top of your boots to the hem of your dress, right?
I hate when I wake up hungry and stay that way for 32 years
I just made bacon for dessert, I’m not in the mood to be trifled with
I wish I were better at subtweets cause I have some really passive aggressive things I’ld like to say to a couple of you
Nothing like quiet, peaceful coffee on the patio
Till the neighbors start to mow
My husband noticed my wedding rings on the dresser and was upset about me not having a visible sign of our covenant to each other
I told him the bags under my eyes said taken loud and clear
Not everyone was Kung foo fighting
I was just trying to get out of my sports bra
Why is it, once you pick up a flyswatter, the little buggers never land