It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.
My one egret is eating at the aviary. My food had a heron it.
Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.
I put half an avocado in a sealed container in the fridge and it’s still good a week later.
Guys, I may have cracked the avocode-o.
Not interested in your mayonnaise-based holidays
Pride of lions? Murder of crows? They got nothin’ on a craze of kids.
AITA? I’m irritable because It was his idea to get walkie talkies, but he refuses to say “over” after each message.
My rapper name is Chick P cause I mostly just hum about us.
The Bangles neglected to mention Manic Monday is followed by Trauma Tuesday, Wacko Wednesday, and Therapy Thursday.
Yeah, I experimented in college. I tried beet chips.
I got bit by an Amazon box. Every full moon I turn into a werehouse.
[cheesecake for two at fancy restaurant]
Me: -bite-
Him: -bite-
Me: -bite-
Him -bite-
[cheesecake falls on its side]
Me: Jenga!
Tai Chi in the streets. Chai Tea in the steeps.
I let soap touch his cast iron frying pan yesterday, so can I sleep on someone’s couch for a while?
If I were in a mob movie, my role would be “the fishes”, so everyone would end up sleeping with me.