My client’s (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I’m obviously doing my job right.
Told my kids I loved them at carpool and no one responded so I yelled, “I love you too!” while hanging out of the sunroof.
Me, 1
Kids, 0
6, holding a pic of me pregnant with him, “Why are you SO FAT?”
Me, “You’re inside my tummy.”
6, “That’s DISGUSTING.”
Me, “It gets worse..”
You know you’re old when you get a “You up?” text….
And it’s 8:25 p.m.
Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating.
Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.
No one has ever said, “You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon.”
5,”So we don’t get to open any presents today?”
Me, “No.”
5, “So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?”
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
People that don’t tweet for months and then show up like nothing happened…
Was it jail? I bet it was jail.