@patnspankme
Hear me out: Spray-on wrapping paper.
@patnspankme
@patnspankme
I do nostril kegels. Girls love strong nostrils.
@patnspankme
got kicked out of Home Depot for trying to ride the forklift into the bathroom again
@patnspankme
another day another dollar?
where’d you find a dollar?
@patnspankme
Be the person nobody was prepared to deal with.
@patnspankme
Sex is great and all but have you ever blown a snot rocket that opened your nasal passage up again?
@patnspankme
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
@patnspankme
my new yoga pose is called the lounging hippopotamus
@patnspankme
Oh the things you don’t know you agreed to when pressing “accept” on the internet…
@patnspankme
I wanna jam you like a set of salad tongs in a kitchen drawer.