@patnspankme

got kicked out of Home Depot for trying to ride the forklift into the bathroom again

@patnspankme

Sex is great and all but have you ever blown a snot rocket that opened your nasal passage up again?

@patnspankme

my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back

@patnspankme

Oh the things you don’t know you agreed to when pressing “accept” on the internet…

@patnspankme

I wanna jam you like a set of salad tongs in a kitchen drawer.