Be the person nobody was prepared to deal with.
Sex is great and all but have you ever blown a snot rocket that opened your nasal passage up again?
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
my new yoga pose is called the lounging hippopotamus
Oh the things you don’t know you agreed to when pressing “accept” on the internet…
I wanna jam you like a set of salad tongs in a kitchen drawer.
If anyone gets drunk later and feels like paying off a credit card or two for me hmu.
her: Say something nice to me.
me: Your friend is like, a ten.
*wakes up, peers outside*
*closes dumpster lid and goes back to bed*
*meeting somebody from Canada*
So, do you work in the maple syrup industry or are you a professional hockey player?