Hear me out: Spray-on wrapping paper.
I do nostril kegels. Girls love strong nostrils.
got kicked out of Home Depot for trying to ride the forklift into the bathroom again
another day another dollar?
where’d you find a dollar?
Be the person nobody was prepared to deal with.
Sex is great and all but have you ever blown a snot rocket that opened your nasal passage up again?
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
my new yoga pose is called the lounging hippopotamus
Oh the things you don’t know you agreed to when pressing “accept” on the internet…
I wanna jam you like a set of salad tongs in a kitchen drawer.