I just danced in front of my cat and he yawned.
I’ve never struggled with depression, we’ve always gotten along together.
If Canada takes over the world we’re all going to be sorry.
The last time I danced in public people gave me money to find a cure.
I don’t sign anything if they don’t give me time to pretend to read it first.
DEATH STAR BARISTA: How do you want your coffee?
VADER: On the dark side.
DEATH STAR BARISTA: Debit? Cash?
VADER: Star bucks.
You gotta know when to tweet em
Know when to delete em
Know when to follow someone
Know when to run
This tweet has been brought to you by…
…Stay Free Maxi-pads…
…When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.
The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie.