Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@peterjames48 : "PARKOUR!" - me, after tripping over nothing on the sidewalk
@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."
@peterjames48: For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
@peterjames48: Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: "Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"
@peterjames48: "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." "Dude." - crickets (translated)
@peterjames48: You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!
@peterjames48: How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.
@peterjames48: SHOUTOUT TO LIBRARIANS! (*sorry*)
@peterjames48: Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect.
@peterjames48: "I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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